Sorry I'm Not Sorry

Do you follow Sorority Problems on twitter? If not, you totally should. She's hilarious. People find her so funny, that she's written a short little book (about 189 pages that I read in like an hour or so) about her crazy life in a sorority house.

Basically, Alexa (sorority girl) is a drunken, crazy mess. The book gives different stories of her life in college about drunken mishaps, flings with boys, and super embarrassing instances that I can't believe made it to print.

No, this isn't a great literary contribution to society, but if you want a vulgar filled book that will make you laugh out loud, this is it. I described Alexa to my friend in a text as a "preppy Chelsea Handler." Really.

Remember I said laugh out loud? I totally did. And I highlighted those parts, just so I could remember them to share later. Some of my favorite quotes from the book  include:

"Little did Carol [the mom] know she was making the biggest mistake of her life since she decided not to abort me eighteen years earlier."

"I almost fel like kneeling down on the tile and praying, but then I remembered that although my parents are catholic, my religion is wine..."

"But when your face spells out the words uptight and disgusted from across the room you know you need a little penis in your life."

"Vodka: it's like a colonic in a bottle."

My favorite!!!!
"I cannot handle people who call people. Seriously, who even does that anymore? Whenever my phone rings I wonder if the person calling me is either A. warning me about an approaching tsunami, B. notifying me there is a warrant out for my arrest, or C. batshit crazy. I mean it's not like people even use their phones to actually speak to people anymore; in fact, it is very telling that our phones have simply become apps on our phones."

"....made me go wilder than Tara Reid at a wine bar."

"I felt drawn to him like a drunk, slutty moth to a drunk, slutty flame..."

"My stomach handled Mexican as well as Kendra Wilkinson handled dignity."

"Talk about a full fu**ing circle. Come hell, high water, or shit in my pants, I will always have Britney."

"There is nothing that can make me freak the fu** out like getting a text from someone I want to have sex with."

"I have a serious problem with oversharing: I always say too much; give up too much of myself; reveal too much of my personality; send one text too many; and it is almost never reciprocated." Hello, Self!

Funny, right? It's only $5 bucks from bn.com for the Nook. It's 5 dollars worth of funny.