"Before you win, you need to learn how not to lose."I can't find a source that credits the person who initiated that quote, but it is something that I have adapted over the years.
It often applies to young teams that need to draw from adverse situations as learning experiences, as we currently are at the University of Evansville with 14 of our 25 players as freshmen, including 7 of 11 starters in last week's 2-1 overtime victory over nationally ranked Memphis.
It also applies to children who are considering quitting, be it a youth sports team or anything that seems too tough.
We as parents and youth sports coaches need to prevent our young children from quitting when things get too difficult. As important as it is that our children have a positive experience and walk away from their activities with smiles on their faces, there are life lessons that are much greater than sport that you can draw from these experiences.
As Winston Churchill once said, "This is the lesson. Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never — in nothing, great or small — never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense."
The website "All Pro Dad" had a great blog post earlier this month which focused on items that should be considered before letting your child quit. Key points included:
"Quitter" is a tough label to shake: Be it among friends, with a teacher in a classroom or a coach or teammates, quitting is a pretty big deal. You build up trust with equity over time, and quitting is a massive withdrawal on your relationships.
Tenacity is a strong word for life: Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Abraham Lincoln lost several elections before being voted President of the United States. Thomas Edison "failed" 10,000 times on his way to inventing the light bulb. What if any of them had quit when things got tough?
This is a big life-lesson opportunity: I always talk with our players about lessons that transcend sport, looking to find things that happen on the ball field and applying it to items they will need later in life as business leaders, husbands or fathers. If your child doesn't learn resolve or mental toughness now, how will they become equipped to follow through as adults?
Kids usually quit for the wrong reason: Sit down and talk with your child to find out why the want to quit. You might find out that there is a larger problem at hand that you didn't initially identify. "It's not fun anymore" may be code for "kids make fun of me."
Challenging experiences invariably build character; the easy way out typically builds something else: The players who are most successful in pressurized situations are the ones who have experience in knowing how to act when put in those situations. There is no question that you can have instincts that take over in those situations, but the only real way to teach your children how to respond is to have them take the pressure sometimes.
The more often children quit before completing a task, the less likely they are to finish the next one. Quitting, like perseverance, can quickly become a habit. Be an accountable parent, coach or teacher and challenge your children not to give up too easily. Those who find success are the ones who accept challenges when things get tough, and grow from them. Most coaches select captains that they feel can thrive in adverse situations, and can help those around them when things get tough.
In a time where so many children grow up with a sense of entitlement, we need to continue to teach that most true victories come with a lot of hard work and pitfalls. Victory is not always identified on the scoreboard, but on the journey to get there.
Courtesy of the Evansville Courier Press, September 25, 2011
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