2012 is officially underway.
I am back to Chicago, back to work, and back to life.
The constant nagging at the back of my brain has returned, reminding me that I still need to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. It is like a buzz in a crowded hallway. It is easy to pretend that it isn't there. At least until that sudden silence that lasts only one-second but is one-second long enough for me to hear the buzz again, begging me to turn up the volume to hear it all the way. I am afraid if I do, I will have to face reality. Which means, I will have to face the future.
The constant nagging at the back of my brain has returned, reminding me that I still need to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. It is like a buzz in a crowded hallway. It is easy to pretend that it isn't there. At least until that sudden silence that lasts only one-second but is one-second long enough for me to hear the buzz again, begging me to turn up the volume to hear it all the way. I am afraid if I do, I will have to face reality. Which means, I will have to face the future.
Future, such a loaded and daunting word.
With the onslaught of Dystopian novels out these days, it seems I am constantly reading books about the future. A society where kids are forced to fight to the death in an arena to prove a point to the citizens that the capitol is in control (The Hunger Games). A society where love is deemed a disease with fates as bad as death (Delirium). A society where people don't even have futures as their lives end in their twenties (Wither).
It makes me think about the world we do live in. A world where the word future may seem daunting, but at least it is a choice that we get to make.
It is a choice that I can't keep storing in my sock drawer. Eventually--sooner rather than later--I am going to have decide...what am I going to do with my life? It is times like these that I almost wish I could be given a microcard with a name and data on it telling me this is my match; this is my future (Matched). Or take an aptitude test that says, this is where you belong (Divergent).
Alas, my world is one where freedom of choice is practically printed on our dollar bill.
What am I going to do with mine? This is the major question that I am setting out to answer this year.
And while I'm trying to answer the biggest question of my life, I will also be working on several other things.
My writing (pic source), of course. I have had a slow month, but it is never far from my mind. Writing is both an adventure and a medium for expression. When I don't write consistently, all of those emotions inside of me get bundled into a very jumbled slinky. I need to let them out. And hopefully that means letting them out in the form of a novel. A real one with a beginning, middle, and end. And some pretty crazy moments in between.
Cleaning. Now, I am not known for my tidiness. However, a clean home makes for a productive life. I am going to start with the scum on the shower. The scum isn't my fault. But that of a very old, rundown apartment. However, I can take responsibility to manage it. Cleaning is not only about removing the shower scum but cleaning out the clutter. Making space for change.
Getting involved. I want to attend book signings and other types of events for readers and writers. My friends have finally started reading The Hunger Games (seriously, they are way behind) and we are going to start a book club. They already hear all of my ramblings on the books I read, but it will be fun to actually have two way dialogue on books. And since we all have vastly different interests, this will help me expand that comfort zone. Then get them to read some of the books that I oh so adore. (pic source)Anyway, that is a lot to fill in a twenty-four hour day. But, I will strive to manage it. I will make that choice to live my life to the fullest with each day. Doing the things that I love.
And as I go about living in my present, hopefully, I will figure out my future.
